The Road to Recovery

Good Evening friends! Today was a cold and overcast day on the island. I felt like staying inside today. It's 5:45pm now and it's pitch black outside. I lit a candle and felt like sharing some moments and thoughts from my day.

I spent some hours on my computer today. Every time I stand up for a break or do something else to relax my mind, ideas pop up out of nowhere. I immediately run to a notepad to write them down. Does anyone have the same experience when taking a break from work? It's like I opened a door and creativity is flowing in.

I am constantly exploring myself and pondering how I want to share my experience with the world.

It seems that being in Sweden has unlocked something in me. I used to count the hours down for the work day to end, but now I don't know where the time goes! I love this work that doesn't feel like work. I've never felt more creative, inspired, and energised.

The first week here, I felt a bit disconnected, like I did before I got on the plane. I think that is normal. A change of scenery helps but it's not an instant fix. Our bodies need time to catch up with our head. The body undergoes so much stress and carries so much emotional weight that it takes time to recover. There is so much we can't see internally, but it doesn't mean it's not there.

I think a great deal of my stress comes from being an empath. I naturally take on a lot of other people's worries and feel their emotions so deeply. I think that's something all artists have in common. It's a blessing and a curse. I like to think of it as magic that I need to harness. Not too little, not too much. Just "lagom" as the Swedes put it. That's why I need quiet moments alone to decompress and tune into my own energy.

I have been so low from emotional burnout that I need to get back to a healthy routine with my yoga, my art and online community. I am part of a spiritual community in Bali where they host online events. I am so very happy every time we meet for sharing circles. It's vulnerable sometimes but I always leave feeling validated, whole, refreshed, and warm hearted from everyone's loving words and unconditional support. It gives me energy so I can also give back to the world. There is truth in the saying, "You can't pour from an empty cup." Another one I recently came across that I like because it's so practical, "you put your oxygen mask on first."

I don't know what the future holds, but right now I feel I am on a journey to reconnecting to myself through returning to my roots, and embracing simplicity in my day: not spending money on things I don't need, or going out to do stuff for the sake of doing. All I need is to just be and spend time in nature and create art. I sit here peacefully and slow my mind and body down before deciding on the next right thing. I feel like for the past 10 years and especially in 2023 I have been on overdrive, which was leading to emotional burnout and physical symptoms. So it's important I take this time to wind down and decompress. My body needs a break. So I will challenge myself to get off my computer for the rest of the week and just get out into nature and rest my mind. Just me and my new best friend, my camera, out in the rocky landscape by the North Sea capturing my first love, Smögen ꨄ

I didn’t take as many photos today as I wanted, thinking, ‘I’m just at home, that’s boring.’ But oh, how I need to shift my perspective. I will not take this unique lifestyle choice for granted, because I think the world could benefit from my story and the serenity of this place. The story of a young woman realising that happiness can be found within, that putting yourself first is not selfish, and that emotional healing is necessary to help the body maintain good health.

I also want to send the message to people that work can be found remotely, entrepreneurship is worth exploring, self-expression is sustenance in challenging times, and that reconnecting with your roots and nature can be an effective way to ease core feelings of loneliness, disconnection, and not belonging. These are all feelings I have struggled with for years, and it's caused a lot of anxiety in my daily life.

I have come across people who have criticised my decision to move to Sweden. I have heard them say "You shouldn't run away from your problems." I strongly disagree. If anything, I had spent most of my adult life running away from myself which made me very unhappy. Being a chronically codependent people pleaser was an unbearable, soul-sucking way to live. And this way of living my life was making me sick. I have a highly overactive immune system, so any kind of stress will send my immune system into auto-drive where my body attacks itself. I believe this is called autoimmune disease. The stress was literally killing me. I knew I needed to change my life so I could live a long and healthy life.

At first, I went to doctors and they could not locate the source of my skin inflammation. I could feel it was stress from living in survival mode. I wasn't thriving or feeling alive anymore. And it was showing all over my body. Nobody took the time to understood my pain and I felt so alone. I believe it is so important to listen to your body when it speaks to you. My stress was clearly emotional. I hope my story creates more awareness around the interconnectedness between physical and emotional wellbeing. And that somehow, this decision to move inspires others.

I realise how resilient human beings are, and what we are truly capable of withstanding in moments of adversity. But that doesn't mean that we should stay in a situation that is making our bodies sick, especially when we have the freedom of choice. Why push ourselves over the edge? What are we trying to prove? I used to want to show people that I was resilient by pulling my socks up and sticking it out, despite it hurting me in the end.

I believe the definition of self love is the strength of taking responsibility for my emotional health, prioritising my needs, setting boundaries, validating my emotions, and diligently truth seeking. I believe self love is the path to our true purpose in this life. It is believed that your soul chooses your body to fulfill your life’s soul purpose; it is crucial that you honor your life as a gift from the universe. The body you inhabit is an essential part of your purpose. A creative vessel. Which is why it is important to express love towards your body. How can we heal others through our art if our creative vessel is sick?

Trust me when I say, your body is speaking to you. It definitely keeps the score, so please show love for yourself by listening to your body when it speaks to you. It will show you what you need. It will show you the way to your heart. Do whatever you can to reconnect with your body. The only thing I admit I ran away from was the calling of my own heart. All because I was too scared to go against the expectations of people around me, the media, the society I was a part of, my own insecurity and false perception that I was unworthy, which left me afraid of being alone. That's all in the past now and I'm on the road to recovery.

Wow, now that was a long post! I'm so grateful if you managed to get this far. I look forward to sharing more of my thoughts, feelings, and moments here in Sweden.

I hope you found this post inspiring. Please say hi and share your thoughts and feelings in the comments. I would love to connect with you by getting to know you.

Love,

Annika ♥︎

The most healing place I know

A Magical Start

This morning began on a magical note because it snowed. I was so excited I ran outside to take a few quick photos. I was so mesmerised by the colours in the sky that I didn’t even notice my feet growing cold in the snow. I was only out for a few seconds before I ran back inside to make a coffee and pull on some warm wool socks.

All day the rocky landscape was covered with a fresh white blanket of snow. I’ve only spent my summers here since I was a child, so it hasn’t been very often that I’ve seen the island dressed in white. I feel so lucky to witness its beauty in winter.

Here and Now

I can’t believe I’m here, on this magical Swedish island. I got goosebumps on my legs just writing that. I’ve dreamt of living here for so long, taking photos, creating art, and blogging about the island and its coastal nature. And now I’m here. My dream came true, and it still feels unreal. I don’t want to waste another second worrying about the future. I’m living here and now, simply.

Some words from my heart, written last night
Taken in 2013 - when I wanted to live here and start a photo blog but was too afraid to follow my heart and didn't receive the support I needed at the time
Happy

First Night on the Island

After hours of driving through foggy, rainy roads, listening to my favourite songs, shedding a few tears, and stopping to pick up childhood favourites at the grocery store, I finally arrived at a very cold and dark house. Such a contrast to the lively summer days when friends and family were here.

Greeted by the Wolves

I warmed some soup, put the groceries away, made the bed, and turned on the heat and water. It will take a few days for the house to warm up.

After an unpleasant cold shower, I put on a comfort movie and curled beneath the blankets trying to get warm. It feels strange to be back, familiar and unfamiliar all at once.

The wind is howling outside. The house feels too big, too quiet. I can hear the rain tapping softly against the bedroom window. It feels cozy and surreal to be back. Only this time, I’m completely alone in the heart of winter.

As I'm snuggled in and drifting off to sleep, listening to the wind howling, I realise that every new beginning asks for grace. I tell myself it's normal to feel discomfort and doubt during change. I just need to be patient and practice self compassion. Transitions are part of growth and I believe it all leads somewhere positive and bright.

Smögen is where I will be now until I figure out next steps in my life. A cloud of uncertainty is rolling in. First, I need to rest so I can see clearly!

Goodnight!

Moving to Smögen

Good morning! I’m sitting here enjoying the most wonderful breakfast at the Scandic Hotel near Landvetter Airport. A complete spread of everything: cold cuts, various cheese selections, beautifully presented yogurt fruit cups, herring with dill, fresh bread, and so much more. I was in breakfast heaven.

My flight landed close to midnight, so I decided to book a night at the hotel and pick up the rental car this morning.

When I told the receptionist that I was driving to Smögen today, he shuddered and said, “Brrrr! It’s a summer destination. What are you doing there?” I smiled and said, “I’m moving there.” But first, breakfast!

It was during breakfast that I was reflecting on how much I have compromised my happiness in my life to keep others content, calm, and happy. Sitting at the breakfast table, it felt strange to make a choice purely for myself. I felt guilty, but I realised it was that guilt that had kept me trapped in an inauthentic life. I have learned that it is not selfish to put yourself first. I believe that we all came to this planet to enjoy our true selves and to share our joy with the world. But how can I lift others up if I am not happy within myself and my own life choices? How can I attract genuine relationships into my life if I am not being genuine with myself?

The reality of moving to Sweden had not fully sunk in yet. My body was exhausted from the travel, but in my heart I knew I was finally taking responsibility for my future happiness. That felt empowering.

Time to checkout!

I made myself a sandwich for the drive ahead and enjoyed all my childhood favorites. I was like a kid in a candy store, having pancakes, apple juice, and a cheese sandwich.

I kept telling myself, ‘I’m here, I’m really here,’ but it felt surreal, as if part of me couldn’t believe it was real. For the longest time, all my decisions had been to accommodate other people’s feelings, opinions, and expectations. I had compromised my happiness for far too long. This was my moment to overcome codependency and come alive again.

The Journey Begins

As I look out of the airplane window and watch the earth below, a quiet ache stirs in my stomach. Between my old life and my new one, I think to myself, I’m finally doing it. My best friend once said, “It could have been sooner, but it could have been later.” Today, those words feel like a quiet reassurance. Everything has its perfect timing.

Right now, I need space to heal and rest so I can gain clarity on my next step. For too long, I followed what others expected of me, doing the “right” thing. I went to school, got a job, kept the peace. And yet, I felt empty inside.

Now, that emptiness is giving way to possibility. This decision to move to Sweden is both a goodbye and a homecoming. It is a step toward the life I have always wanted, a life that reflects who I truly am.

I will be staying at my family’s summer house on the island of Smögen. I have dreamed of this place since I was a teenager, imagining myself capturing its landscapes, marine life, and culture through art. That dream never left me, and now I am finally following it.

 A Full Moon! A time for emotional clarity, intuition, and transformation, bringing hidden aspects of life to light. This energy is often harnessed for rituals focused on releasing what no longer serves you and embracing new beginnings

It is winter in Sweden, the darkest time of year, yet I feel like I am moving straight into the light. I do not know exactly what awaits me, only that I have to follow this feeling. Some may doubt my choice, but I know this is what I need.

Ahead, on a small island in the North Sea, a new life is waiting. This is the first chapter of my story, and I am ready to share it.

I Missed The Plane

I ran to the gate and missed the plane by four minutes. Sweat was pouring down my face, and I was in tears after the airline representative told me I had missed it. I could still see the plane, but it had already pulled away from the jet bridge. I watched it slowly reverse, and tears streamed down my face. I was in shock. After calling the airline, I was rebooked for the same day and finally on my way. I was already in desperate need of a shower.

A weary traveller