I Am Human

The more accepting of my humanity, the more free and light and happy I feel. I am learning so much about what it means to be human. I'm learning about this in therapy, and through my own reading and research.

This week I have been learning a lot about storytelling in the film world. Everything from camera, music, emotions, acting. It's a world I have fallen in love with. Well, the love has been reignited because I studied film in school and loved drama as a child. I lost that along the way. I became afraid. I could not pin point one exact moment, perhaps it was a repetition of moments and different negative experiences that impacted me. I didn't have the support and tools to know how to keep going even when I felt afraid. I needed someone to help me understand my emotions. For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't feel okay most of the time. I felt anxious all of time. But it was because I didn't get the mirroring and emotional support I needed. I grew up feeling like I didn't know who I was. I felt like I had to fit in, to accommodate others, and criticized for having needs. For many years I felt ignored. And this led me to believe that I was unworthy. Even today I struggle with feeling not enough. But I take action that I know is in line with someone who believes they are enough. And slowly I start to undo all the wiring in my brain and change those neural pathways.

I think this is a big reason why I started YouTube. I wanted to overcome my fear of feeling judged. Every time I hit publish I think "Oh God!" But I do it anyway. Over time I know it will be okay. I know it will get easier with time. Even today I feel less afraid than I did a month ago. There is something to exposing yourself to the fear that will help you grow and become a stronger and more skilled human being.

So many of us struggle with this fear. But I'm here to say that it is not too late to respond to the fear in a different way. I would like to say I'm living proof but the humility in me says, I am just one example of a human being learning and sharing their journey with the world. I just hope it helps someone. I hope I can guide someone the way I wish I was guided five years ago.

I believe we are all on this star in space to help each other. I believe my purpose is to help others by sharing my human experience.

I've overcome so much fear and learned to identify the fear when it pokes it's head out. And what do I do in those moments? I take the healthy action anyway. The action I know is in line with my highest good. The action that I know will get me to my vision. But that is the key here, vision. There has to be a direction. Like getting in the car to go to the grocery store with no plan of what to buy. Dreams work in a similar way. It's very simple. I think as humans we complicate things with our fear based brain.

Yesterday I attended a mindset workshop and they talked about negative bias. In my own therapy session yestereday I learned about internal family systems. I encourage you to explore this and see if it helps you become aware of why you have certain thoughts, emotions and behaviours. It's definitely helping me not identify with my thoughts and choose healthy positive thoughts. Not toxic positive thoughts.

Today, I felt so inspired to share some of my thoughts relating to shifting your mindset, and how understanding your past can help you overcome the current obstacles you face today. It's not too late to change your life.

Sending you light and love ♥︎

Annika