I Had It All Along

I can almost taste the lightness of Spring. The sun on my face and the crispy cold blue sky mornings.

Today, the snow returned, and I welcomed it! It's like that final push, the final fight we have left to obtain what we most desire. It's the final sprint of a race, the last exam at school, the week before a gallery opening, or moments before closing an important business deal. The end is always the hardest because the light is so close. You can see the goal, you can almost touch it, taste it, but not quite. The snow today reminded me of this. It's as if Winter is returning to remind us to give ourselves that extra push forward towards our purpose right now.

I have lived on this island now for 2 whole months, and I can say with confidence that this island is changing me for the better. This island has taught me how nature truly reflects our inner human experience. Because of that, I never feel alone here. In nature, my emotional world is mirrored back to me. And somehow that brings me comfort. I think the key ingredient is openness. Without a willingness to accept everything that we are, that is when we create unnecessary pain. I believe many of us know this as a fact, but to experience it is quite a special journey.

Learning to accept ourselves can also be a painful journey. In my own healing or personal growth journey, I have learned that it can be both a joy and a sorrow to witness the aspects of myself that I have ignored and rejected for most of my adult life. But I have learned that grief is another key ingredient to accepting and loving all aspects of my being. Personally, I have been grieving the loss of love I subconsciously decided to not give myself. I have been processing this grief through being in nature, talking to dear friends, and creating art. This has all given me a level of awareness and acceptance for everything that I am: a fragile, soft, sensitive, feeling being. This personal growth experience has given me much inner peace. Moving to Sweden was not the start of my healing journey, it was part of the journey. I started the journey a long time ago, and I wouldn't be in Sweden now if I hadn't started this journey many years ago. But more on that later.

I feel so grateful that I have had the opportunity to witness the transition from Winter to Spring on this magical island. I have a deep appreciation for the nature and people living here. There is a strong sense of community and care for the natural world. I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I always felt like a wanderer, always trying to fit in. But here I can just be. I feel part of something here. I don't feel lost here. And although I was never raised here, it's just a strange feeling of home in this place. I suppose this is where I belong. Here! And I smile now writing this. The funny thing is, this thing I've been searching for, I had it all along.

Now it's close to 1am. Today I woke up very late in the morning. I hope the snow stays tomorrow so I can take some pictures.

It's an interesting time right now. Everyday I am witnessing the movement in nature from Winter to Spring. I call it the beauty of the in between. It's as if we are in a car with the engine on but it's stuck in neutral. It's a slow build up of energy, but a gentle reminder from nature to remain patient as we increase our energy for exciting things to come. If we rush, it's easy to get burnt out. Patience is key now, so enjoy this time. I suppose it's reverse for you in the Southern hemisphere. Do you relate in someway with the changing seasons, even if it's the reverse?

Goodnight and lots of love,

Annika ꨄ