A Rebirth
Yesterday, I came to believe that I was whole. For years I kept telling myself I'm enough, but I never really believed it inside. In the past week, I have felt a shift inside of me, and now I am able to put words on my experience. This shift in perspective about myself did not happen overnight. Although it felt like it came to me suddenly and unexpectedly, it has been years of hard work, investing time and energy into my healing. It has only been in the past two weeks that things really started to take shape. In the spiritual and healing world we often hear that in the darkness there is light. I have always embraced the idea, but to experience it is a profound human experience. The pain is excruciating, but the happiness, lightness and freedom that comes from this dark period is worth it. And I encourage anyone to visit the aspects of themselves they have ignored for years. In there lies the answers to your happiness, not a podcast or a book. You have all the answers to your happiness within yourself. It's just about trusting that inner voice. The inner knowing that always has your best interest at heart.
This month of May has been a special one so far. I felt a true shift in perspective about how I see myself, and now I see the world in a more positive light. It's amazing how you see the world in a different way when you change the limiting perspectives about yourself. I have always struggled with not feeling enough and carried the emotional weight of others who project their emotions onto me. I have lost myself many times in the effort to help others manage their emotions. I wasn't even aware I was doing it. Once it started to make me sick on a physical level, did I change my entire way of life. Through awareness and understanding why I behaved in this way, I was able to meet myself with compassion, and chose a different path. A path to self. I am responsible for letting go of this caretaker role, even if that means I lose relationships in the process. I am responsible for my health and happiness. And as the saying goes, you can't be everything to everyone.
If I was to change the word therapy or healing, I would change it to truth-seeking, awareness building, awakening. That is what therapy is. It was the truth that helped me be proactive about making different choices. And for the first time in my whole life, I felt fearless. In many ways I do believe you can change your life overnight. It's the preparation to make that decision that is the hard work: overcoming the self doubt, dropping the perception of yourself that is flawed, and finding the courage to trust your thoughts, feelings and needs.
During the Covid pandemic I started my healing journey. I bought countless books and listened to hundreds of podcasts. I was committed to my personal growth, but the intention for healing came from a place of inadequacy and unworthiness. Now I feel I am enough and still growing. I naturally have a growth mindset and now that I believe I am enough, anything that I learn is just a cherry on top of my existence. I finally understand that life is about learning the lessons, and through that process of living I can grow into who I am meant to be in each and every day. But I am always whole and growing. Everyday I am who I'm meant to be.
This new perspective of myself and in life is changing me. All I needed to do was drop the responsibility of taking care of other's emotions, and see myself for who I am rather than allowing other people's perspectives of me to influence how I see myself. If they think I'm selfish or mean for setting boundaries, then that is a projection of themselves. We all know that setting boundaries is not a selfish act. It's an act of love and kindness to self and others. As long as they are communicated in a calm and respectful tone, free of judgement and filled with mindful observation. I have learned that boundaries are not there to change anyone, but they do have a magical away of holding up the mirror to encourage others to face the things they project onto you. The mirror of fear is really the mirror of love and invitation to love. In my experience, setting boundaries has made others angry. But it's their projection. I finally realise it's not my emotion to own. I am finally free.
This new realisation has given me a new found freedom. A freedom to explore who I am through experiencing life, trying new things, and not being afraid to fail. Like a child engaging with life for the first time, and exploring the world through a sense of awe and wonder. Now I can live and I can't wait to share what I grow into each and every day. Life is to be enjoyed, and the joy is to be shared with others. That is why I won't be a "how to" content creator. I am just here to share my personal story with you, because I believe when we share our joy with the world, it spreads more joy in the world.
There are countless podcasts and books on this topic of purpose and meaning, and you can spend your entire life reading and listening in the preparation to live your best life. But if I can offer some comfort with simple advice. Through my own life experience, finding my purpose and happiness has been an effort toward finding what brings me joy. And once you have an idea about what you think it is, it's about having the courage to try it. Life is about exploring who you are so make mistakes, make adjustments and try different paths until you find your landing pad. There is no right or wrong way to live. Be free, let it flow, and soar.
But don't forget to enjoy the flight!
