An Ache in My Heart
Hello my dear readers!
It's been some time since my last post. Time is flying by so fast and I have so much I dream of doing with the time I have in this one precious life. More and more with each passing day I realise how fragile life is. This fuels my desire even more to go after my dreams and create every day.
I started this month with a beautiful soul retreat on an island in the Mediterranean Sea. I will tell you about this in my next YouTube video. I plan to film a little update tomorrow and post it here. I want to be more active now on social media. I have found a new sense of clarity, focus and peace within after this soul retreat. I spent 6 days at a beautiful finca in the countryside of Mallorca with four beautiful women. We learned about emotions, vulnerability, feeling, higher consciousness, mother earth, spirituality, our ancestors, and womanhood. We spent our days nature gazing, meditating, healing through frequency, the law of attraction, connecting with the elements, sharing stories, and eating exotic fruits and fresh vegetables. It was a beautiful and life changing experience. I came home feeling more grounded than ever before. And more accepting of my high sensitive nature.
When I arrived on the island, I really set the intention to switch off my connection to the outside world, and just focus on the experience. As a small intimate group, we explored energy work, healing with sound therapy, and embracing old shamanic rituals to reconnect and transform. I could talk about this all day and will share some video clips on my YouTube channel.
Shortly after returning home last week, I received a heartbreaking message from my Mum. She lives in Newcastle in the North East of England. I haven't visited in a while. I had plans to visit my Grandmother after the retreat. I had just recently reconnected with my Mum this year after a difficult past. I felt ready to return to my English roots with forgiveness in my heart and longing to feel the warmth of my Grandmother's hand in mine.
It saddens me to say that my Grandmother passed away this Saturday evening. Although I knew the day would come, upon receiving the news I burst into tears and felt a brick heavy in my stomach.
Saturday night, Grandma crossed over into the spirit world while sleeping. She felt no pain. I am grateful I had the chance to see her on video when speaking to my Mum. It was the day before she left Earth. She was sleeping, drifting. My Mum and I spoke to her, we sung to her. It was the perfect farewell before the nurses came into her room to check on her.
I sense Grandma is at peace now. It was her time. The grief I feel comes in waves. I hear her voice encouraging me to remember the good times, to remember her not as a dying woman but as a strong and loving woman. She was a social worker, a white witch, and she loved her community. I remember as a child we would walk hand and hand around town and she would say hello to everybody. As she went about her routine in Sunderland, shopping for fresh vegetables at the market to make fresh Irish stew, she would greet everyone in her Northeastern accent, "altreet pet, alreet son." Every baby in a pram got a tickle and a smile. She exuded warmth to everyone around her.
I believe her warmth and love and strength lives in me. She is not really gone. I think there is much peace that I have found in believing that she is dancing away and laughing with loved ones. And that her Soul continues to expand in another being. I'm not a religious woman but I am spiritual. I find something beautiful in every religion. I take what resonates and leave the rest. I don't believe in conforming if it doesn't feel true to me. And I would never push my beliefs and opinions on anyone else. We all have our unique paths in life and beliefs that comfort us in sadness and joyful times. I'm curious to know what your thoughts are on this? What has helped you grieve loved ones and find peace within? Are you a spiritual person? What helps you ground and find peace in your day?
From this day forward, I will honour my Grandmother's life by living mine to the fullest. She would want me to not take my life for granted. She would want me to enjoy every moment of it. "Footloose and fancy free" she would say.
Rest in peace Grandma. I love you a million times around the Universe. Thank you for the love and time you gave me. We'll see each other again ♥︎
