Still Standing

Hello lovely!

I'm so sorry it's taken a while to write. I didn't think I would be so affected by the tree cutting. They continued their work last night when I was out at dusk with my cat and camera taking pictures of a family of deer and a huge moose.

I felt happy being outside capturing the beautiful wildlife, yet I carried an unsettled feeling. It was a worry stirring inside. I could hear the moose breathing heavily and stomping through the trees. I could feel its power. But the sound was disrupted by the sound of engine and the smell of fumes from the tree assembling truck. It brings a tightness in my chest just writing this because that's exactly how it felt last night experiencing the sound and smell of engine.

Anyway, I'm trying to shift my focus towards the positive and the gratitude that I feel towards witnessing my first moose. And to have captured this beautiful beast on camera.

I didn't think moose would want to be so close to the sea, but here they are soaking in the sea air and the rich minerals in the air and vegetation.

How time is flying! I'm already planning October projects and it's almost sending me into a panic. But I breathe and think how grateful I am to have this opportunity to create art every day. I did not have this possibility when working a normal 9-5 job so I feel most days in a panic trying to make the most of every minute. I'm trying to let go of this urgency and just be in the moment. That's just my worst case future brain thinking, "nothing lasts forever," which has some truth to it. But I don't want that to take away from enjoying the moment I'm in.

In many ways, I feel that because I have experienced a life of creativity, I know now at my core that I am an artist and can't live without creating. It's a feeling so intense it's hard to put into words...A life to me without creating art feels meaningless and soul-sucking. I found a piece of myself this year that I will never give up on. Without it, I feel like I don't exist. Like I can't exist. Like a piece of me would die. Perhaps some of you can relate. Especially sensitive artists.

So how have you been? How are you feeling today? I would love to get to know you in the comments. It's been a while since my last post. As I write this, the sun is shining through my beautiful farmhouse windows and creating a lightness in the air in my living room.

My art studio is still not set up, but a welcomed project. Right now this house is a big old mess.

It's been an unusually warm September. Or so I've learned from a local who lives in Sotenäs municipality. Every year at this time I usually return home to London, but now that I decided to leave the city life, this will be my first Autumn in Sweden since I was a child.

For those of you who are new here, this year I invested my Swedish Grandparent's hard earned money into a beautiful 150 year old homestead to embrace my new life as an artist. Now I live in this remote part of the world where my ancestors lived. In this short period I have learned that there is deep emotional safety and connection that can be found when reconnecting to your roots.

If you have not already seen it on YouTube, I have posted some videos of me moving in and getting the downstairs sorted.

I learned from researching how people lived back in the 1800s, that the downstairs of my house was the main living space, and the upstairs was more of a storage area. And if you believe in quantum physics, well people are living here this way now. Goosebumps. You know, now that I write this, I want to share that I have experienced strange sounds, shadows, and flashing sparks of lights here and there. But I don't feel afraid. There is a warm loving family presence here that makes me feel so at home and comforted. I love it!

As I mentioned earlier, this will be my first Autumn in Sweden since I was a child. I look forward to this new time and I feel open to whatever this time will bring me. I welcome the lessons, the challenges, the setbacks, the positivity, the wisdom, and the light. Because to me, all these things are what makes us human. This is part of the human experience so to me it seems strange to resist it. To resist our humanity.

I would say I have spent a good month focusing on learning about filmmaking and storytelling from the perspective of a writer, an actor, a director, and a photographer. It's all about sharing the human condition through story. It's primal for us to listen and tell stories. So it seems incredibly strange how we as humans have lived in this emotionally suppressed state. Hiding our vulnerability. For too long in my opinion. It's time to break free and dive into our vulnerability. And to me, strength is showing vulnerability; through groundedness, presence, openness, elegance, grace, empathy, compassion, and silence. It's odd to say but I have personally found true happiness in sharing my vulnerability with others.

What is your experience with this?

I hope you are having a beautiful week and I will speak to you soon ♥︎