I'm Back!
Hello friends! I’m back!
As some of you may know from my Instagram posts, I have had a rough July so far. It all started with some weird symptoms where I couldn’t sit in front of the computer for more than an hour without feeling like I was going to vomit or faint. I would get strange feelings of vertigo. This is why I haven’t been able to edit or upload any videos.
I can’t believe it’s already the 21st of July! So much has happened that I want to share. In a nutshell, I listened to my body and took a much needed break from screens. Looking back, I think my inner child was screaming for more art and creativity, and less planning and strategizing. Of course as an adult, the planning is important, but I’m learning to find that balance between my organized adult and playful child.
A week into July, I went to Stockholm to visit my dear friends from London. I haven’t seen them in 2 years. They are my oldest friends. I met my friend, Liza, when she was 14 and I was 16 years old. Now she is a Mum!!! I was so overjoyed to meet her daughter, Charlotte for the first time. She is the cutest. I have mixed feelings about having children of my own. The idea sounds nice, but then I think about my inner child, and all the things I will have to put on hold again for another. I know that’s a hard statement to admit to myself and the world. It’s just where I’m at emotionally. But when I met Charlotte, I thought to myself. If my child could be like that, yes a thousand times yes haha I think being around children is incredibly healing. Charlotte is 16 months old and making sense of the world. When you really try and tune in to her world, it’s almost like a meditation. I felt so calm and relaxed around her, almost transported into her curious world and imagination. It really forced me to wake up to a lot of the aspects of myself that I didn’t know I was abandoning. Things like allowing imposter syndrome and procrastination and fear of judgement to creep in. There are days where I’m like, “Yup, I’ve mastered this. I’m good.” But then I forget I’m a messy human and some days I procrastinate to the point of not creating because I’ve allowed fear to creep in. I think this is why it’s so important to be present and gracious with ourselves every day, because we are always changing: forward, backward, zig zag, going in circles. It’s part of the human experience. But I think awareness is the key ingredient to this. Layered with a warm hug of compassion. Only then can we really just meet ourselves where we are at and move forward with discomfort, but with the inner knowing that we are moving in the direction of our highest good.
I felt so inspired to write today and I’m glad I did. I feel my health is back on track, despite having a horrible stomach flu after my trip to Stockholm. I must have picked something up from my travels because I was in bed sleeping for 4 days! I didn’t think it was possible to sleep that much. Leiana, my cat, never left my side. She would even lick my hand. I sensed she knew and was trying to comfort me. She is such a wonderful soul and I’m blessed she came into my life this Summer. She is teaching me so much about myself. She honesty feels like an angel in a furry costume hehe
Anyway, once I recovered, I allowed myself to slowly ease into tasks. I have a knot in my stomach because I have fallen behind on my housework and need to save to do all the interior love that my home needs. I still don’t have a sofa and feel that is the biggest priority now. To have at least one room fully ready to be lived in feels like a great goal to have this upcoming week. Especially because my best friend from Japan is coming to visit me next week! I haven’t seen her since I was a teenager. But we kept in contact all these years and it honestly feels like I saw her yesterday.
But today I am giving myself the gift of a “me day.” I day where I just flow through the day and do what I feel my body and soul needs. It’s nearly noon now and the sun is beating down on me. It’s the hottest day of the Summer and I refuse to be inside. Poor Leiana, she recently had 4 teeth removed and is on house arrest for 2 weeks! She is going very stir crazy scratching at the windows. I bought her a harness so I can at least take her outside and keep an eye on her. She’s an outdoor cat and only likes to come inside for food, cuddles and sleep. And right now all those 3 needs have been met. I feel so sorry for her because she doesn’t understand what is happening. I hope she doesn’t feel I’m punishing her. The vet said she is not allowed to be outside until her wounds heal. So that is how it will have to be for now.
As I look up, she is scratching the window frantically. Bless!
This morning I have felt so at peace and find myself breathing deeper because I’m PAINTING! I’m taking a domestika course to brush up my watercolor skills. As I was painting I had an idea for a YouTube video where I can talk about my experience going to art school and managing my imposter syndrome. I’m surprised how so many artists struggle with this, so I think it’s worth talking about and sharing my process to overcome it. I think this time away from work this month has allowed me to tune in to what I want to focus on right now with my work. I keep thinking how can my presence online help others. And it really comes down to being vulnerable about my struggles and how it impacts my art. And now I’m ready to talk more about this. Stay tuned on that. I might also write a little blog post about it because I love how I’m able to express myself more deeply with writing. I love writing and so glad to be back to share more about my life as an artist and healing creatively.
Today I’m surrounded by all my favourite things. The smell of freshly cut grass, the sun, and my painting supplies. Now I need to go inside and make a smoothie!
Speak soon!
Lots of Love,
Annika