Healing through art, nature & heritage - Life on the Northwest Coast of Sweden
Healing through art, nature & heritage - Life on the Northwest Coast of Sweden
This morning felt like Christmas morning. A fresh blanket of snow covered the surrounding landscape. I felt so inspired that I gathered all my camera gear and set out for an adventure in the forest. I will edit the photos and videos tomorrow. I can't wait to share with you! I hope you had a wonderful day. Sending you LOTS OF LOVE ♥︎
I sit here at my beautiful oak dining table writing this blog post in my pijamas. As I look out the window I can see the frost has arrived. The old pine trees watching over my house stand in a thick layer of fog.
Last night I plugged in the traditional winter lights. It was lovely and cozy to walk downstairs and wake up to the warmth of these lights in the window. I have always admired Sweden for embracing candles and lights in the window. When I drive the dark roads to town, I can see the lights in other people's houses. It's incredibly warm and inviting.
Yesterday afternoon, I experienced the most beautiful light. The sun is already setting at 3pm now and it's pitch black by 4pm. All day feels like a constant beautiful sunset since it's much lower in the sky now. This makes work days challenging as I usually get started around 11am. I find myself ready for dinner at 4pm and wanting to climb into bed at 8pm. It's a hard to be productive at this time of year. This is certainly the sleepy time of year and I'm learning to be graceful with that.
When the sun is out during these short hours of the day, it's so warm, golden and beautiful. The way the light hits the barn makes everything feel like I'm in some romantic movie.
I felt a new energy come into me yesterday, one where I felt I was breaking and light was coming out of me from the cracks. A version of myself that I know to be true. That's always been there. I feel like I'm becoming calmer and more self-compassionate with each passing day. Every day I'm more curious about myself and the world around me. This new perspective brings wonder and magic back into my day.
Yesterday, was a frosty afternoon as the sun was setting and Leiana came out to join me. I wanted to capture a beautiful photo of us together but she was not really interested. She doesn't like to be held for too long. Eventually she will communicate her boundary with me. She is a blessing and a daily reminder that it's important to ask for your needs to be met. And to find ways to meet them yourself if they can't be met by others.
In the evening, I cooked myself a lovely winter stew. I started it Sunday evening so Monday evening all the flavours were there. It was so warm and comforting. The whole house smelled like a warm hug.
I hope you have a beautiful Tuesday. Stay grounded in nature. Speak soon ♥︎
It's been a while since my last blog post. Last week has been a very tiring week. A lot of emotions swirling around and a need for clarity at this point in my life. I have felt extra tired this week, so I did not capture as much as I wanted but I'm learning to be graceful during these times.
The beginning of last week started off with a very friendly meeting with my "wood man", Lars. He's a jolly, positive, and chatty fellow. He has been such a big help to me in collecting the trees that the previous owners left behind in the garden. Lars has spent the past week working very hard cutting them into smaller pieces for my fireplace. He will deliver them tomorrow to my wood shed. It should be about 3-4 cubic meters of wood, which will help keep my house nice and warm for the coming winter.
I love how I feel more part of this small community. It was my chimney cleaner who connected me with his friend, Lars. They went to school together in the area. When Lars left for the day, he said he would call me the Princess of Long Island. How incredibly sweet and flattering. He had a very good energy that left me in a positive mood all day. It comes to show that a joyful, supportive energy goes a long way to make someone's day. A simple smile, kind words, moments of laughter here and there. It was nice feeling to feel more joy coming into my life. I truly believe that we can heal alone, but together is better in some ways. Together with humans, nature, spirit, source, art, ancestors, our community. From my own healing journey this year, I have learned there is great feeling of emotional safety that comes with leaning on these things. Safety means everything to me know. I've been in a high stress state for too long and it feels good to come down from it by being back to my roots.
Here is a little video I filmed yesterday which really captures my sleeping state that I feel was the theme all last week. I spoke with my Mum recently and she reminded me that nature is going to sleep so naturally so are we. How beautiful and true is that. She has a way with words and is also a very creative soul.
I feel like this is not a perfect blog post but I wanted to push myself to write and post anyway. I hope to speak to you tomorrow and be more active again, even though today I'm also quite sleepy. It's 9:23pm now and I will get ready for bed, put some more wood in the old fireplace to keep my bedroom warm tonight. Last night I didn't put the fire on and I was freezing. The frost has arrived and we are forecast for minus temperatures this week.
Here come some moments from this week. Beautiful sunsets, a full moon, sunshine, new friends, and setting up my art studio.
I hope you have a beautiful evening and Tuesday morning. LOTS OF LOVE ♥︎
Lately, it's been waves of grief and emotions. As I was editing this video I noticed a somberness and a weakness to my voice. More than usual. In a strange way I find editing gives me an opportunity to heal and be kind to myself. I get to observe and show my past-self some love. It teaches me to embrace the waves of emotions and changes that we all experience day to day, moment to moment.
I wonderful reader asked me to share more about childhood trauma. This gave me the courage to open up some more so here we go.
I believe the arts and stories really do heal us, so I hope my presence sharing my journey online inspires others around the world in some deep and meaningful way.
Personally, I believe we all have the power to heal from childhood trauma. There was a time where I grieved my childhood and thought I would always be this broken person. But then I started to meet people who were vulnerable, warm and creative. And they too had past trauma. When I saw how they could grow and do what they love, I thought I could too. I believed that I could heal this and become the woman I wanted to be. A creative and compassionate soul.
Everyone has their own path when they embark on their healing journey. There is no one size fits all. I believe it's truly the hero's journey and a way to reclaim the soul. For a long time I felt like I lost my soul. This year I really felt it come back to me. It happened suddenly and ever since then I have felt difference. Stronger. More purpose driven. It came a moment where I asked myself, "Is my life really about serving others at the expense of my happiness?" Of course, I want to help others but I didn't want to suffer anymore in the process. Sometimes pain can be the thing that gives you the fire to change your life for the better.
A big thing that helped me was learning to reparent myself. To learn to grow a part of me that is nurturing, accepting, and empathic. I can see now that I always had this person in me and today I believe this is my true self. So now when I experience self-doubt, fear or any negative feeling, I can meet myself with empathy, love and understanding. I could write a whole book about my childhood but in a nutshell I was exposed to narcissistic and physical abuse, which over time led me to have extreme low self worth and codependency. That of course meant I was entering into toxic relationships as a young adult where I was emotionally and physically abused. This life experience trapped my soul and made my physically ill. I have autoimmune disease so it's important that I have the safe space to create and express myself. For a long time, and especially in my relationships, I felt like I was trapped in a jar with a tight lock on. Looking back, I realise with the compassion, guidance and support from wise and spiritual women, did I learn that I was the only person who could get me out of this way of living. A life that way making me so deeply unhappy. I hope my stories inspires you that you are not alone and that you can free yourself from the past. Some family members have seen me as playing the victim but that is far from the truth. It's taken a lot of healing and courage to open up emotionally and seek safety in other human beings. Human beings are not designed to heal in isolation. We need each other. This is my contribution to the world. My dharma. I might be a victim but I'm not victimizing myself for attention. I'm here to empower others who have gone or who are going through this. I care to make this planet a safer, compassionate and more loving place to live.
This year has been a year of empowerment and personal growth. Showing up online is also vulnerable and scary but again, that nurturing parent steps in and says, "it doesn't matter how the world sees you, it's how you see yourself that matters.” And I see myself as someone who wants to help others through my vulnerability and authenticity.
It has truly been in January this year where I made the biggest turning point in my life. Simply by following my soul’s gentle whisper I was able to reclaim my voice and inner calm. By moving to Sweden I was able to understand the people in my life who have my best interest at heart. I think healing is tremendously challenging because when you start shedding the old, you grieve. You grieve the people who you thought was there for you. I realized I had a lot of people in my life who I loved and trusted the most who had extreme expectations of me. I’ve learned that when you break free from these expectations and become your own person it makes people angry. This was a very confusing time for me but I’m healing this by practicing discernment as I move forward with my new life. I also learned this is where a lot of my abandonment trauma came from. When I expressed my voice I would almost be punished by being ignored, yelled at or scolded. I was often told I was ungrateful and manipulated into believing that I was this horrible person. It was a horrendous way to live but thank goodness that’s all in the past now.
I've learned that our body doesn’t want us to grieve. It's a painful emotion that we experience physically, so our body is just keeping us safe by avoiding the emotion. Today I still feel moments of grief, but I accept the feeling in those moments and remind myself that I'm here, grounded and at peace because I'm making decisions that are true to me and my happiness. I feel a deep joy and excitement as my artist dream is slowly coming true.
I hope my words help you feel inspired and safe. Feel free to respond if you have any thoughts, feelings or questions you would like to share. Much love and healing light to you. Take care of yourself today ♥︎
This week felt like a blur. The feelings of grief intensified this week. I have felt this hole in my stomach all week. Does the grief ever fully go away when you lose someone so special?
Today was the day where my energy and motivation came back to me. I decided to spend my day giving my home some love. I spent my afternoon outdoors gathering firewood, mopping the floors downstairs, cleaning the outdoor bath, and building another desk for my art studio. It's all coming together now. Slowly but surely.
Leiana kept me company on my outdoor work and was on moose watch. She is adorable. I enjoyed taking pauses to observe her, to learn from her. She is the best teacher. She helps me stay present.
Now I'm enjoying a cozy vegetable soup and then I will go to bed. I am very tired and calm which feels so lovely compared to my anxious late nights and late morning rises this week. Today I felt I really turned things around and look forward to more calm and productive days ahead this month. I can't wait to bring the twinkly fairy lights into my world and light up the forest around me. I want to feel like I live in a fairytale.
The fireplace has been on all evening and candles lit in the beautiful farmhouse windows. This evening has felt very cozy and special in some way.
I hope you had a beautiful Saturday. Here come some pictures from today. I know they are not the best quality. I took screenshots from the video clips I took for my upcoming YouTube vlog.
Speak soon! Lots of Love,
Annika
I recently made an Instagram post writing the following words. I have never repurposed my content before on my blog but I felt this post to be very important for my non Instagram audience so I wanted to share it here. I won't make a habit of doing this because I realise it will be too repetitive for my Instagram followers who also follow my blog. And time is precious. So I wanted to make that clear at the beginning 🙂
I took this photo the Summer of 2013. The year I moved to Chicago and started a new chapter of my life. During that 10 year period I spent my time living part-time in the US and London where I studied Art & Design at The University of Arts London at CSM and Kingston School of Art. CSM being ranked one of the best art schools in the world, and Kingston ranked number 1 in the UK during my years of study. But nothing inspired me when I was living the big city life. The place I feel most inspired is here where I live today. Beautiful Bohuslän. Back to my roots and creativity.
I am honoured to have been selected to study art at such prestigious Universities, but nothing fulfilled my heart like moving to Sweden this year to capture my long-term inspiration. Smögen from my perspective. When I took this photo nearly 12 years ago, I knew in my heart that I wanted to live here and start a photo blog. But I was too afraid to chase my dream, and too disconnected that I didn’t even recognise my heart was calling me home. After so many years, my heart never gave up on me. And now I’m here. Now I’m home. It doesn’t matter that it took many many years to wake up. I’m here now and what matters most is how I spend my time now.
I hope my story truly inspires you to create a beautiful life for yourself, no matter the past hardships or whatever you are facing in your present day. No matter how many years you have spent in grief, darkness, or with emotional wounds that felt impossible to heal, there’s always a path to joy and light ahead.
You have the strength to rise and embrace the wonderful possibilities that await you!
In case you haven't already seen it, here is my latest video blog from my final weekend in October. The introduction are some shots of me in September. I wanted to capture the shift in Seasons. September is where I felt it the most, as well as the biggest shift inside. A strong need to let go of perfectionism and not let fear drive my life anymore. Fearing failing has been my biggest wall in my life and it's stopped me from doing so many things that I dreamt of doing. Fearing letting people down has also been a struggle where I feel if I follow my soul path I'll be hurting others. I've had a lot of pressure and expectations put upon me, and now that I'm following my heart, I know who is unconditionally there for me and who is not. Right now I'm practicing discernment as I move my life forward and decided what energy I want to bring into my new peaceful life in nature.
I hope you enjoying following my artist process and life journey. Thank you so much for being here ♥︎
I came across this photo today and I wanted to put it out into the world. Into the Universe. Today I felt so strongly when I saw this photo that this would be me in the future. When I woke up this morning I had this strong feeling that I would manifest this life. A day out on the grounding rocks with my sea wolf. I've always been drawn to dogs that look like wild wolves, similar to the look of huskies. But for the past year I have been drawn to the White Shepherd.
Last year, I watched a documentary on sea wolves, and this breed reminds me so much of the sea wolf's independence, their resilience, and their beauty. I see so much of myself in them. My spirit animal ♥︎
I also wanted to mark this blog as proof that manifestation is real. One day, this will be me and I will have the photograph to prove it.
Smögen, I thank you. I love you. Thank you from showing me the way when I get lost, for giving me strength and grounding me when I needed it the most. I recognise your forever presence that has lived before me and will live after me. My wise ancient old friend. Forever grateful for your healing and motherly loving presence.
